Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. --Jim Backus

Only decent girls keep a diary. The others don't have the time. --Tallulah Bankhead

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. --Ambrose Bierce

Love: a season's pass on the shuttle between heaven and hell. --Don Dickerman

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. --Clint Eastwood

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. --Zsa Zsa Gabor

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth. And you should save it for someone you love. --Butch Hancock

Matrimony is the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented. --Heine (1797-1856)

Love is only the game that is not called on account of darkness. --M. Hirschfield

Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. --Lisa Hoffman

Moving together with a man is like buying something you have long admired in a shop window. You're exalted when you bring it home, but you soon discover that it doesn't match the rest of the furniture. --Jean Kerr

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison

Bigamy is having one husband to many. Monogamy is the same. --Erica Jong

We're going to talk about sex -- actually, you're going to talk about sex, because I can't remember. --Professor Ralph Noble

You watch a talk show recently? They're doing one next month on a normal, happy heterosexual couple, assuming they can find one. --Ralph Noble

Every time I date a man I think: Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? --Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. --Rita Rudner

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. --George Bernard Shaw

No one is more carnal than a recent virgin. --John Steinbeck

It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge. --Voltaire

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. --Unknown

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. --Unknown

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. --Unknown

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. --Unknown